And Now For Something Completely Different #1


This post is a collage, a pot-pourri, a smorgasbord if you will of stuff I read, wrote or saw that tweaked by funny bone or my interest bone over the last few weeks. Hope you enjoy.

1. There is a great piece on United’s woes in the Guardian.

Glazers’ plans to float Manchester United make the heart sink

My 3 favorite paragraphs are:

Supporters asking why Ferguson has not signed top European players to complement his still admirable faith in youth, can peer at that to see where some of their club’s money has gone. This stock market move is intended to reduce the debt and put United in a healthier position, but supporters see the financial interests of the Glazers at the heart of it.

Alex, give your new best buddy, Arsene, a call. He can tell you how it’s done. And for the rest of us, Alex has admirable faith in youth for the same reason Arsene did: It’s the only way to compete with any chance, when the purse has pennies instead of pounds in it. It’s a tricky thing to execute. No wonder the two had so much to talk and joke about at their last encounter:

Some eyewatering detail is provided in the necessary information for investors, besides the already famous admission that United’s debts risk “adversely affecting” the club. Indeed a legendary club, and with 20 years success in the Premier League era, United make huge money, from 76,000 supporters at Old Trafford, TV sales and all the sponsorships and commercial income the Glazers’ executives wring from the “brand”. Yet over the years, £500m has gone out to service the debts, and some of that is broken down.

One wider point should be considered, among many. This is the most momentous event at an English club since the England team tumbled out of the European Championship. Roy Hodgson’s team of triers was accompanied by the age-old call for a revolution in how we think about football, for Premier League clubs, the Football Association and the whole game to the grass roots, to pull together for the common good. Days later, English football’s greatest name is being re-routed to the New York Stock Exchange via the Cayman Islands, to pay debts a US family was allowed to load on, to buy one of our great clubs in the first place. That hocking of clubs in the global marketplace has always seemed at odds with a coherent approach to building a great sport, a waste of the great opportunities the modern era is providing.

Silent Stan looks better every day. This is what Danny Fiszman and the Board worked so hard to protect AFC from and why they sought out Silent Stan as an investor and then owner.

Manchester United are likely to be entering a lean patch for the foreseeable.

2. Also from the Guardian, Barney Ronay did a superb piece of writing:

Perhaps it is time we cut André Villas-Boas some slack at Tottenham

His description of Redknapp in particular

It is genuinely ennobling, this belief in the basic sanctity of the managerial mission. “We must build on Harry’s great work,” Villas-Boas said this week, bestowing an unexpected gravity on the legacy of a manager who has traditionally been a kind of footballing Cat in the Hat, a tousled and infectious improviser who could probably cook you the most brilliant meal you’ve ever tasted simply by hurling everything in the fridge into a massive bowl and then flambéing it over a raging fire built from every stick of furniture you own, before abruptly disappearing just as you come round, dazed and hungover, face down in the ashes of what was once your kitchen.

and then AVB are genius:

This is more than a little unfair. If nothing else there is much to admire in the way Villas-Boas is still out there, still thrusting himself to the front of things, displaying the unshakable backseat extroversion that all the best managers have, as he winces and struts centre stage in skinny-trousered splendour, looking each time a little more like a tiny little dancing soldier on top of a wedding cake, or, increasingly, like a particularly convincing waxwork of himself.

3. Nice piece here in the Guardian about how the owners of Spurs have failed to tackle the biggest issue any club must, if they want to become a World power, their Stadium:

Delusions of grandeur haunt the men running Tottenham Hotspur

The size of a club’s stadium has long determined financial power and Spurs have talked a great deal about a new stadium without actually building one. White Hart Lane’s capacity is 36,534, less than half that of Old Trafford’s 75,769. The comparison which hurts, though, is with Arsenal, who remain the only top club to have successfully built a stadium themselves – not with public money like the former 2002 Commonwealth Games stadium which Manchester City occupy – in the modern era. John Henry, Liverpool’s American owner, pointed that out in an illuminating interview with The Anfield Wrap website this week, explaining again why he prefers to expand Anfield than build a new stadium at Stanley Park.

4. Some Fake news pieces I scribbled:

Twitter User Enters Death Spiral

A Twitter user who goes by the handle @TheoVanRamshere, lost his Twitter life when his virtual existence went into a death spiral. A programming glitch in the online social media software tragically connected two of his tweets which were so contradictory that there was apparently no possible way to pull out of the illogical nose dive before it was too late. Twitter support engineers worked frantically in their attempts to resuscitate van Ramshere but in the end it was hopeless.

John Smith, the user’s name in real life, seemed confused, listless and disoriented when we contacted him.

“I feel adrift. It all happened so fast and it seems there is no way back now. I simply said that “Koscielny is world class and I always knew he would be. And he’s way better than Vermaelen.” And then, apparently, Twitter found a tweet in my name from a few months ago that said “Thank God Vermaelen’s back. He’s world class and Kozzie can’t hack the PL.” I’m pretty sure my account was hacked ‘cos I would never have said that last thing.”

“I’m completely distraught. I wish I could have kept my Twitter account and given up my so called real life. Sure my Mum and all would be upset, and my friends and my sister and Dad. But that’s probably 15 people. 20 tops.”

At that point, John Smith’s eyes gazed into the distance as tear welled up.

“But Theo van Ramshere, he had 107 followers. 107 people who would do what ever I bid. 107 people who would have followed me over a cliff. Who now shall they follow, I ask you?”

RvP Move to City Waiting On Seamus Flaherty’s Move to Rathgar Ranger’s Pub Team

As reported recently, RvP’s move to City can only proceed when Adebayor’s move to Tottenham Hotspurs has been completed. Tottenham must first clear the way for Adebayor by first moving on Modric to, possibly, Manchester United, who must move on a whole host of players including Stephen Roundtree. Roundtree has failed to make the grade and is being offered to Barnet for a fee of 500,000 pounds. However, what has not been reported is that this is a big price for Barnet to pay and will only happen if they can successfully offload Jimmy Hatfield to Leamington Spa who are looking to sell on Smith and Warburton to the Dublin club, Rathmines Rovers. This will clear the way for Rathgar Rangers record signing of 500 pounds plus a round of drinks to bring in Seamus Flaherty from Rathmines Rovers both of whom who play in the United Church’s League Div 3.

However, Flaherty is currently refusing to move as he claims Rathgar Rangers do not match his ambition. It is rumoured that the real reason behind the change of heart is that Rathgar Rangers are notoriously stingy with the halftime oranges. #30PiecesOfOranges

5. Here is a metaphor for Arsenal’s supposed bloated wages policy spent on our so-called deadwood:

I received it via @shazzer42000 who received it via @arsenalreport who received it….

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6. Some other tweets, pics and Vids I enjoyed:

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Arsene looks like he’s got his mojo back

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via @sandrahelena39

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via Stuart MacFarlane. I don’t think Arsene will be burying his head in Bould’s chest any time soon.

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Theo’s first ever goal for Arsenal. Theo plays thru the middle, a give-and-go with Diaby who provides the sweet assist

Thanks for the link to @AlexFortyNine

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This guy’s a bit of a genius artist: @danleydon

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Diving, Cheating United Shits are under instruction:

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