Wenger to Sign Vertonghen and Adopt Radical Defensive Formation

May 5, 2012

OK. We need a laugh and a distraction from “that” game today. So here is a selection of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly for this week:

1. BREAKING NEWS: Wenger’s Radical Defensive formation for next Season. Vertonghen to be the centerpiece of a Central Back 3.
Koz-Vert-Verm.

Reacting to Arsenal’s recent defensive frailties, Wenger has once again changed football as we know it with a revolutionary approach to shore up the center of our defense. He plans to move on Vertonghen immediately and to form an unbreakable link with our two existing center-backs so that Koscielny-Vertonghen-Vermaelen becomes a seamless defending machine. The Top Secret code word for this at the Colney training ground is “The Human Centipede”. Unorthodox? Yes. Radical? Yes. High-risk? Perhaps. But Wenger believes he has got to try something different next year.

This is not the first time Wenger has attempted to employ this particularly strategy at Arsenal. After the start of this season, Wenger desperately searched to find a way to integrate Chamakh and Park into the attack. I have received secret, leaked documents regarding a botched fusion of PCY-Chamakh-Arshavin which may go some way to explain their complete lack of form this year.

Colney Training Ground: Wenger shows his Frustration with Chamakh (Front), Park (Center) and Arshavin (Rear). He later commented: “Some players are just un-coachable.”

Stolen Blueprint for Operation HUMAN CENTIPEDE:

At this point, it is unclear how this surgical experiment will impact future contract negotiations for the players. My guess is it will simplify them.

Also, theyshould implement my proposed human centipede agent idea. We should try it on their agents first. Darren Dein will be in the middle (by popular request). If it goes horribly wrong, oh well. At least no actual humans would be harmed.

I interviewed Wenger on this, some might say, controversial new approach:
Me: Arsene, doesn’t this seem a little bit extreme?
Arsene: Little bit.
Me: What has driven you to this extreme formation
Wenger: Everything I innovate in the sport is copied by my competitors. My nutrition, training, attacking football, Wengerball, scouting networks, French recruits. Eeet peeesses me off!
Me: So, you thought they would never copy this because of the brutal cruelty required?
Wenger: Exactly.
Me: Not even Pulis?
Arsene: Perhaps Pulis.
Me: Well, good luck with it.
Arsene: And they said I had run out of ideas! Hah. Hahahahahahahahahahahah.

Here, Wenger explains how he first came up with the idea. “I was watching a movie to try and take my mind off the Norwich game:” Trailer

2. A Spicy Article from the Guardian on Poldi from December 2011, which I rather enjoyed. They get Pissy in the Bundesliga, don’t they?

“That’s lovely from Mr Klopp,” Podolski shot back. “Maybe he is sad because I’ve turned them down twice already. But I guess he’s right. Now that they’ve finished last [in their group] in the Champions League, I’m really too expensive for them.” The Borussia CEO Hans-Joachim Watzke, intriguingly, called Schramm to apologise on the behalf of his manager on Monday. “Poldi is a class act, that’s also the view of Jürgen Klopp,” Watzke said, explaining that the coach had been a little emotional after the disappointing Lautern result.

3. Poldi is a “Battler” in the considered opinion of @CWDCOMPS who has just watched a bunch of games so he could make his compilation.

4. For those of you who Missed it: Artwork by @Lagvilava7

Link to @Lagvilava7

5. Cesc happy to finally win a Cup this Year. Spanish Copa Del Carlingo
(Don’t worry Cesc, we still love you)

http://pic.twitter.com/9qly9Iai again via @Lagvilava7

6. You see Robin, You WILL win the best Silverware with Arsenal

via @Lagvilava7

7. Frimpong’s Been A Silly Boy?

Apparently tweeted pic of an African man beaten to death for theft. Pretty gruesome by all accounts. Frimpong was trying to make a point about injustice. He quickly removed the pic and apologized.

8. Rosicky Talking About His Playing Position This Year:

I thought Rosicky was close to MOTM again today. Here he describes how he’s asked to play. Footballers don’t talk all 4-3-3. It’s all, “The boss asked me to follow RvP around. So I did.”

“I’m in the advanced position of the three, looking to get in between the opposition’s midfield and defence,” Rosicky told the Official Arsenal Magazine.

“When we have the ball I’m starting quite close to Robin (van Persie) up front, and after that I can come a bit deeper and stretch the pitch out.

“I can’t say for sure whether this has made the whole difference, but I would certainly agree that what the boss is asking [of me] at the moment suits me nicely.

“The whole season has gone quite well for me, but I was injured twice in the first few months so couldn’t keep up sustained form. I’m enjoying the rhythm the manager has given me now.”

via Tomas Rosicky Happy With Current Playing Position In Arsenal | Total Football Madness.

9. Could be worse. We could be Spurs. via @arsenalmemes