The Poldi: New Currency Unit
The Poldi – A New Unit Of Currency: þ
So according to @AFCAMDEN RvP is off.
And according to @migueldelaney the offer is 20m, straight, no Wellbeck trade. Take it or MUFC walks.
I like the sound of that “MUFC walks” option, btw.
So, how are we supposed to cope with this kind of shit?
Even in a summer going as well as this one, there is at least 1 twitter melt-down a week over a potential out-going player. It is often the same player, week in, week out, it must be said, but with fresh twists. The first cut is the deepest, for sure, but every rumour after that is chucking a bag of salt on an open wound.
Of course if we had our heads screwed on right, we wouldn’t be climbing on this rollercoaster of despair. And we would also admit that outgoings are usually both necessary, and if done right, advantageous. For the purposes of discussing and evaluating these “transactions” with the right frame of mind, I have developed a new unit of currency for The Arsenal faithful. It is called the Poldi.
The Poldi: þ
The Poldi has a value of £10,000,000 ie 1þ = £10 million. I know Poldi actually cost a few bob more but it’s close enough and we need to keep the maths simple.
So Cazorla cost us 1.2 Poldis. Poldi cost us 1.1 Poldis (that’s a queer one, says you.) Though not as queer as the one where Giroud went for a straight Poldi.
Now, we “say” we want 2.5 – 3 Poldis for RvP who has just a year on his contract, though we may settle for 2 Poldis. We might show some interest in talking to Barca about Song if they were more in the neighbourhood of 2 Poldis for him since he has 3 years left on his contract. But they’re not. So we don’t. Unless, really they are. In which case we might.
Now hold onto your nutsack for this next trippy one. Although, we just bought him, we’ll even look at offers for Poldi. Now, hang on…we won’t sell him for a Poldi. That would be ridiculous. We’ll buy him for a Poldi alright though. But you need to offer us 2 – 3 Poldis for us to consider giving you Poldi. And even then, nah. You think you can offer us 2 Poldis for Poldi? You’re having a laarrf mate. Jog on.
Does that take the sting out of horse-trading discussions for you? It does for me. Arsenal are good at horse-trading. We win some (Cazorla, Poldi, The Ox, Arteta…) and we lose some (Park, Squillaci…) but over all we do very nicely thank you. The reality is, you never know till you’ve slept with them, as a wise old fat man once told me about hiring employees. And he wasn’t talking about sex.
How do we know that we win out? Well, as we all know we have generated a profit in transfers in the transfer market over the last 6 or 7 years or so and yet stayed in the Top 4. That can only be done through some mighty good horse-trading. Well, now we actually have some money in our pockets from the Queens Road property sales, worth approximately 3 Poldis to us, we are seeing the old Arsene. You know, the one who went toe-to-toe with United from ’97 to ’05 before someone knicked his wallet.
Now that we have a new currency in place, perhaps we can chillax every time some club wants to flirt with one of our players. The first thought is no longer: “This effing club is doing my head in with it’s incompetence and it’s perfidious players.”
No, your first thought will be: “Hmmm, how many Poldis are they offering?”
Now whether we re-invest in the next Ox or Wilshere or Ramsey or whether we re-invest in the next Cazorla, Poldi, Giroud or…..Sahin, is purely a function of what this team needs. We have clearly dialled back on the youth quotient with the average age of our last bunch of players apparently being 27. It is now a Hybrid Model = 1/2 Project Youth + 1/2 Project OAP. And in the future we will adjust as necessary. We’ll twiddle the dials as necessary.
If any one of our players gets too big for his boots, or has outgrown his situation, no problem. Just make sure you bring a wad of Poldis. As Arsene Wenger only just said to Sir Alex on Monday when he stumbled into Arsene’s office unannounced, red-nosed and obviously the worse for wear:
“Sehrrr Aleex, eeez zat a Poldi in your pockette, or arr yeuuh joost pleezed to seee meee.” (Right, I’m getting tired of typing with a ridiculous French accent.) “But you will need a couple of Poldis in your pocket, Sir Alex, for us to talk. And you should know, I am inclined to just tell you to joost peeesss off.”
It’s all about re-investing smarter than our competitors. Out-think, out-develop and out-trade the bastards. We are the new Phoenicians. Arsene’s been doing it for 30 years now. He’s quite good at it. And now he has some Poldis in his pocket.
The one thing we do need to “manage” is turbulence, churn, disruption.
Now strap yourself in. As you will see from the chart below, there is a huge amount of churn in our core team in recent years. This chart shows all the players who play 10+ games for us in the EPL each year.
For example, we had 10, yes 10, players who played 10+ games for Arsenal last year, but didn’t the previous year.
Some were new to the squad: Yossi, Arteta, Gervinho, Mertesacker, Santos, Ox.
And some were returning from injury like Vermaelen or were stepping up like Gibbs, Ramsey or Coquelin. None played 10 games for us in the EPL the previous year.
It’s another impressive footnote in last season’s “The Great Escape” heroics.
But any way you look at it, be prepared for some surprises and some great additions when you look back on the 2012/13 season to who played 10+ games for the team.
It’s not about the Star Player. It’s not about the Team. It’s about the Squad.
Squads win the EPL.
Can you imagine how RVP felt seeing Poldi doing what he was doing last season with consummate ease against Cologne? It’s like old Poldilocks came in a stuffed his face full of the Dutchman’s porridge, then popped up to his bed for a lovely 40 winks. I’d pay a Poldi just to hear those Dutch cogs whirring in his head – “Err…maybe I’m nort so speecial, after all”.
Any where but ManUre
Agreed. But I’m afraid it’s the only game in town. But agreed anyway.
I loved the french part
Great post mate and despite your figures being a little off I’ll still stay it was top notch! 😉
(Giroud cost 1.2 poldis)
PS – looks like you need some cosmetic assistance to your site. I think you’ve confused how analytics work 😉
Giroud costing 1.2 Poldis is not as funny a joke, Daniel.
More top work my friend. Oh to be as funny as Bloggy. I will forever be serious Dave. Enjoyable and great point as ever. I like Poldi as a currency. TV5, Arteta and Koz were all a snip at a Poldi and I feel the Ox at 1,5 Poldi still good value
Haha. funny. Arteta was great value at a Poldi, wasn’t he. It just goes to show, it’s not the the Poldi in your pocket that matters, it’s who’s spending it.
how I bloody laughed. It was excellent!!!!
Thank you MRG!!!
The Poldilocks name used in the earlier comment is really ‘Golden’, as is ‘coining’ the word Poldi as a currency. Have you considered changing your twitter handle to Poldi in my Pants?
Agreed. I thought Poldilocks was great!! And yes, i considered Poldi In My Pants as recently as last night. Great minds!!
Poldi in my Arse is even better LOL
You really thought this one out, Me being a bit
Slow, read it twice. Loool I look at it this way, ver simply. We are a selling club, we’ve sold players for years, with vast profit. In the last couple, some of our best, not because we don’t want them but because in Cesc’s case he went home. The other because of wages, we can’t match. We are in a market & AW is re-filling the shelves. That’s it. Simple I know
Great piece, as always, you never disappoint. Cheers =)
You hit the home run again mate! Post on point and lots of laughter at our new currency. Wonder how many Poldi’s M’Villa will cost us, that is, if we decide to take the plunge.
I hope Wenger has a look at your Hybrid Model and sticks to it; can’t be handling these sort of ‘transfer market emotional problems’ like the one RvP’s caused every season, can’t afford a by-pass right now in this economy we’re in.
Let them keep the Poldis coming…as Arsene gets the Poldi-worthy signing for the Arsenal.
Great blog! Going to start using the Poldi currency in my normal day life do not have that many Poldis in my bank account though..
Haha. Let know how u get on.
Love how you chose the perfect name in the squad for the currency ‘Poldi’, sounds funny, cute, short. Can’t imagine saying ‘Arshavin cost 1 oxen’ or ‘2 and a half squids’.
Whenever you write next on Steve Bould, please use Lord Bouldemort! 😀
HAha. Thanks mate. And Bouldemort, funny!!
This is such a great way to look at it. It takes the emotion out of it and we end up winners.
We always forget this:
It’s not about the Star Player. It’s not about the Team. It’s about the Squad.
On a separate note, I also would like to highlight that we were able to go out and buy Poldi, Cazorla and Giroud without having to make any big sales first, and that we could have afforded those three AND Robin at the same time.
Great point and thanks for the great support. It means a lot!
great…… just great! keep up the good work, loved the french part