The Horse Robin Rode In On

Right, I’m done talking about Robin. But, that horse of his…

The Horse Robin Rode In On

Arsenal supporters are united in searching all over town to locate the horse that Robin rode in on.

A local townsman stated: “Yes, we want to fuck his horse. We are hoping that will provide us with some sort of satisfaction, some sense of closure, perhaps. Don’t tell me his horse didn’t know what was going on with that big smug grin on its face.”

Town elders have organized search parties to scour all the usual places. Initial searches have focused on the usual horse posting spots: outside of saloons, outside the town brothel and at any local water troughs. There was no sign of the horse in the stables though it was rumoured it may have bolted to the nearest city where horses are routinely given twice as much hay as well as fancy stirrups, saddles and tackle with lots of shiny silver.

It seems unlikely that Robin’s horse would bolt from this town as it is previously on record as saying it was happy and grateful for the fact the town hadn’t shot it through the head a couple of years ago, when it broke its forelock, as would have been normal practice.


Robin Lobs a Hand-Grenade

I copied Robin’s “Open Letter” into Google translate. I translated it once into Dutch and then back again into English. Amazingly, here is what it says:

“Fans, I felt it only fair to tell you what’s going on.

Blah, blah, blah, love, loyalty, fans, Wenger, respect, club, fans, love, thought long and hard, father figure, regret, match my ambition, blah, blah,blah.

Right, with that out of the way, here’s the dealio. Manchester City and I have been busy tapping each other up now for ages. We have pretty much agreed that I will be paid more than 200K per week and I will be their starting striker.

I met with Wenger and Gazidis, but let me be honest, what were they going to say to me? Unless they had news we were going to be bought by a Sheikh by August, they were wasting their breath.

“I personally have had a great season but my goal has been to win trophies with the team and to bring the club back to its glory days.” But to be honest, I’m a bit of a quitter so I’ll leave it to Wenger, the team and you guys. Instead, I’ll join a team that buys their trophies with oil-money rather than fight the good fight and actually try to earn a trophy.

I want out and I’m not waiting a year like Cesc. I won’t have a year as good as this again, anywhere. Next year City may not want me or need me. I’m gonna jump that train now before it leaves without me.

Sure, I will be putting the club through the exact same ordeal it went through last Summer – drama with their captain and star player only interested in a move to one club – but this is all about Robin.

It may look like there is an auction, but I’m going to City for my 200K+, and City and Arsenal know it. I will get my full value through my wages and a signing bonus, while Arsenal get pimped on the transfer fee. This is all part of the Robin – Kees Vos – Man City plan. Somebody has to get screwed. And that somebody is Arsenal.

Yes, this will cost Arsenal a chunk of money just as it did with Cesc and Barca, but this is about me.

If you had to put up with the abuse I get from my Oranje team-mates that I have won nothing and from opposing defenders I face ridiculing me that even the guys on their bench get paid twice what I do, you would do the same.

People say that Arsenal could have avoided this by renegotiating my contract a year earlier. They are naïve. How could Arsenal force me to sign. My agent told me not to and Arsenal had no leverage that Summer. I wanted my shot at the big-time and now I’m taking it.

Arsenal does not match my ambition. Just so we are clear, my ambition is to earn 250K per week and to be guaranteed Silverware, pre-bought by oil-money

So fuck it, there it is.

Robin’s Most Memorable Goal of 2011/12 Season

Your most memorable goal of the season, Robin? Liverpool, Everton, Chelsea? Nope. It’s an own goal. Your reputation at Arsenal is tarnished forever. That’s the goal everyone was there for, live. Everyone will remember you for it.

The sculpters already had your statue half completed. However, you seriously miscalculated the impact of your shenanigans. Shame we were just about to sculpt your loins. On second thoughts we may just finish your statue with a massive, unmistakable camel-toe.


The Litmus Test For Class.

Based on the experiences of the past few years, there is a way to measure a player’s true class. How does he leave the club? Does he leave with class or does he shit on the doorstep on his way out?

Robin pulled off a trick that seemed impossible a few days ago. He genuinely makes Nasri look like the much better guy. I would justify this statement but I’m lazy. You all know the reasons, but I’ll start you off with the fact that Robin is our current and acting captain, with 1 year left on his contract.

It is a testament to the Class of Arsenal and its manager that we took in a kid who was a punk, and made him into a class act for as long as he was wearing the shirt. Let the real van Persie now step forward.

Classless AND Petty. The dig against Gazidis taking a 2 week vacation? Are we supposed to think that if only Gazidis were working furiously to win your signature, it could all have turned out differently? Petty, petty, petty.

Sharper Than The Serpents Tooth

How sharper than a serpents tooth it is to have a thankless child. – King Lear.

Robin, you have talked often about Wenger being like a father to you.

You can’t use the word “loyalty” when you break your word by forcing your way out of your contract with the club and manager. Forget loyalty, as you have. What about “belief?” This club and manager BELIEVED in you for the first 6.5 years when you were unable to make even 50% of your starts. Wenger made you who you are. You admit that yourself. He built a team around you that made you the 3rd best player in the world this year. Not bad for a guy who is never on the same level as a Messi or a Ronaldo. You received the Player of the Year awards in the EPL and the Golden Boot award in the EPL. That is top silverware from the toughest, most competitive league in the world, Robin.

That is the belief Wenger and this club and fans put in you. And from your side, what have you to say on belief: “ it has again become clear to me that we in many aspects disagree on the way Arsenal FC should move forward.” Well fuck off then, Robin. At least leave with some class, will you?

Now does us this one favour, Robin. Tell us where you put your horse.


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