Finally A Trophy for 4th Place…Gareth Bale’s Head.
TALKSPORT: “Villas-Boas: Champions League qualification will help keep Bale at Spurs”
By Anton Stanley at Talksport| Thursday, February 7, 2013
Tottenham manager Andre Villas-Boas has revealed that the club have to finish in the top four if they are to hang on to Gareth Bale.
The Welsh wing wizard is attracting attention from Barcelona and Real Madrid as his stock continues to rise following some scintillating showings in the Premier League this season.
But Villas-Boas reckons the Lilywhites can keep him if they manage to qualify for the Champions League next season.
He said: “Gareth’s future is intimately related to what the objectives that we achieve for the season. Hopefully qualifying for the Champions League means we can attract better players and continue to hold on to our best players.
“At the moment we are very, very fortunate to have him and I think we can reach our objectives with him at this level. If we reach our objectives we can hopefully continue to have Gareth in our club.”
Deconstructing AVB:
Hmmm. Now why would you want to point that out to us. I’m not sure you really thought this through, AVB, did you? Some of us do not wish your team well. Some of us are in a position to impact your plan. We are, in fact, your natural enemy.
Wow. How shockingly indiscrete. How could he announce that to the press. Has he no filter? Gareth Bale is off if they don’t make Top 4?!!! What else are you going to blurt out to the world. Are you going to tell us that…Oh hang on, AVB has started talking again…
AVB went on to tell a startled press room: “My wife is a bit of a “goer.” At this very moment she is is lying naked on our bed. She goes bananas when you kiss her on the nape of her neck. Her pet name is “Smooshy” and her favourite Kama Sutra position is #23 “Inverted Deep Donkey” which I have printed off, laminated, and placed under your seats.
My address is 23 Chestnut St, Bishops Itchington. The front door should be unlocked, but if not, there is a key under the flower pot. Don’t worry about her orgasm. I’d give that a miss myself. Also, there are condoms in the bedside drawer, but I wouldn’t bother. Just go for it.
There is chilled beer in the fridge and if you tap her twice on the back of the head when you’ve climaxed, she will hop down stairs and make you a toasted bacon sandwich and a cup of tea while you have a nap. “
WE NOW HAVE A TROPHY
We Gooners have been tearing strips off each other about the whole “4th place is NOT a trophy” debate. For the record, I have always been a believer that it was indeed “like a trophy.” But, hey, no need to argue any more.
WE NOW HAVE A TROPHY…Gareth Bale’s head; the disintegration of the Spurs squad; and the abject misery of their supporters as all their dreams and future hopes turn to a sea of shit.
The NEW Arsenal Trophy Rankings
That beats the snot out of any silver cup you could offer me.
So here is the new Trophy Rankings for Arsenal:
1. Premier League Champs
2. Top 4 in Premier League
3. Champions League Champs
4. FA Cup
5. COC Cup
And to be honest, I think the CL, the FA Cup, and the COC are now distractions from the main goal and we should send out a youth team to face Bayern. But we can debate that later among ourselves.
So, are we Gooners all united finally? Are we all united by a common enemy? Are we clear on our single purpose? I believe we are!
For us to know that WE had gotten rid of Bale, that WE had broken those Spuds hearts, and destroyed their team for a generation, well now, that would be something to cherish. For their Messiah to leave for only 1 reason, well that would be the finest of trophies.
It deserves a song, a chant. Arsenal bards, do your work!
“Bring Us The Head Of Gareth Bale”
Right then, now that’s all sorted, I’ll race you over to AVB’s house.
LOL!
Good blog mate.
Good piece and an emotionally touching for fuckin spuds.
Honestly, i loathe them and i wish they relegate! Hahaha hahaha
“the disintegration of the Spurs squad; and the abject misery of their supporters as all their dreams and future hopes turn to a sea of shit.”
simply brilliant
fantastic stuff yet again! but in all honesty I don’t think bale will leave; sp*rs massively overrated him and no one will pay the 40 to 60 mill for him that’s been mooted about. either easy though, it’ll be fun if it WAS true. happyannual st totterington’s day!
Well if the Goonerverse can’t unite behind the pursuit of the Gareth Bale’s Head Trophy, then we are doomed.
“At this very moment she is is lying naked on our bed semi-conscious after taking a few sleeping pills.”
I know it’s all in jest, but some of it comes over a bit rapey.
Indeed, if we can’t unite to get rid of Bale, then we truly are lost.
tbh it is a bit rapey, but I think that was kind of the point (not trying to be a smart arse with that comment.)
My view on AVB was he literally invited us to come and ravage his team’s future, left out a door key, and suggested a method, and then in a similarly accommodating mood, he offered us something even more sacred in the same vein, his wife.
Obviously not exactly something I would endorse. My views on how people SHOULD treat everyone in the non-fictional world, is that respect, understanding and empathy are 3 of the greatest qualities. Far above many traits valued today.
Sorry if it didnt work. Someone else had a bit of a problem with it too.
No worries, Poznan, I know what you going for. But it made me uneasy, so I was just being honest about that.
I appreciate that. Thank you.
So you think going after a spuds player is better then getting a trophy. Excuse me while I throw up. I think this sentiment shows how low we have fallen
Is CL qualification better than the COC and the FAC? Well, not only does the team currently in possession of that top 4 spot think so ie Arsenal/Arsene Wenger, but so too does the team who who his trying to wrestle it from our grasp ie Tottenham/AVB.
So, yes.
And throw in a free Bale decapitation, and you’ve got your trophy.
Also, you need to lighten up a bit, dude. ’twas a blog in a humorous vein, so that whether you fully agree or not, you can enjoy.
It doesn’t matter what Spurs do, they won’t hold on to Bale if Barcelona or Real Madrid truly want him. We all know what happens when those teams come in for your players… Hleb, Van Brockhurst, Silviniho, Henry, Fabregas, Song, Overmars, it just goes on and on…… But keep the faith, Wenger has taken us from Highbury to Ashburton and it will not be long till the biggest club, in the biggest city in Europe, will have the biggest cheque in their back pocket… then all those who ever doubted Wenger can eat their words.
amen
Hah! Arsene should make the team watch the beginning of “Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia”, but before the ManU game … and use van Persie. “He was like a son to me…. por favor [or the French equivalent]… bring me the head of Robin van Persie…”
hahahahahaha, so i choose 4th place….
thats gonna make me happy, Gareth Bale’s head…..
Oi, Poznan, where are you with the next post? It’s been nearly three weeks. This is outrageous. I will be burning my season ticket.
Just done one, FG!