Finally A Trophy for 4th Place…Gareth Bale’s Head.

TALKSPORT: “Villas-Boas: Champions League qualification will help keep Bale at Spurs”

Tottenham star Gareth Bale celebrates scoring a goal

By Anton Stanley at Talksport| Thursday, February 7, 2013

Tottenham manager Andre Villas-Boas has revealed that the club have to finish in the top four if they are to hang on to Gareth Bale.

The Welsh wing wizard is attracting attention from Barcelona and Real Madrid as his stock continues to rise following some scintillating showings in the Premier League this season.

But Villas-Boas reckons the Lilywhites can keep him if they manage to qualify for the Champions League next season.

He said: “Gareth’s future is intimately related to what the objectives that we achieve for the season. Hopefully qualifying for the Champions League means we can attract better players and continue to hold on to our best players.

“At the moment we are very, very fortunate to have him and I think we can reach our objectives with him at this level. If we reach our objectives we can hopefully continue to have Gareth in our club.”

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Deconstructing AVB:

Wow. Ok, AVB. Here is what I think you just told us. You just told us that if Arsenal knocks you out of the Top 4 this year, then
not only will you not make the Champions League but you will also lose Gareth Bale.

Hmmm. Now why would you want to point that out to us. I’m not sure you really thought this through, AVB, did you? Some of us do not wish your team well. Some of us are in a position to impact your plan. We are, in fact, your natural enemy.

Wow. How shockingly indiscrete. How could he announce that to the press. Has he no filter? Gareth Bale is off if they don’t make Top 4?!!! What else are you going to blurt out to the world. Are you going to tell us that…Oh hang on, AVB has started talking again…

AVB went on to tell a startled press room: “My wife is a bit of a “goer.” At this very moment she is is lying naked on our bed. She goes bananas when you kiss her on the nape of her neck. Her pet name is “Smooshy” and her favourite Kama Sutra position is #23 “Inverted Deep Donkey” which I have printed off, laminated, and placed under your seats.

My address is 23 Chestnut St, Bishops Itchington. The front door should be unlocked, but if not, there is a key under the flower pot. Don’t worry about her orgasm. I’d give that a miss myself. Also, there are condoms in the bedside drawer, but I wouldn’t bother. Just go for it.

There is chilled beer in the fridge and if you tap her twice on the back of the head when you’ve climaxed, she will hop down stairs and make you a toasted bacon sandwich and a cup of tea while you have a nap.


We Gooners have been tearing strips off each other about the whole “4th place is NOT a trophy” debate. For the record, I have always been a believer that it was indeed “like a trophy.” But, hey, no need to argue any more.

WE NOW HAVE A TROPHY…Gareth Bale’s head; the disintegration of the Spurs squad; and the abject misery of their supporters as all their dreams and future hopes turn to a sea of shit.

The NEW Arsenal Trophy Rankings

That beats the snot out of any silver cup you could offer me.

So here is the new Trophy Rankings for Arsenal:

1. Premier League Champs
2. Top 4 in Premier League
3. Champions League Champs
4. FA Cup
5. COC Cup

And to be honest, I think the CL, the FA Cup, and the COC are now distractions from the main goal and we should send out a youth team to face Bayern. But we can debate that later among ourselves.

So, are we Gooners all united finally? Are we all united by a common enemy? Are we clear on our single purpose? I believe we are!

For us to know that WE had gotten rid of Bale, that WE had broken those Spuds hearts, and destroyed their team for a generation, well now, that would be something to cherish. For their Messiah to leave  for only 1 reason, well that would be the finest of trophies.

It deserves a song, a chant. Arsenal bards, do your work!

“Bring Us The Head Of Gareth Bale”

Right then, now that’s all sorted, I’ll race you over to AVB’s house.