Arsenal To Offer Radical New Season Ticket

Arsenal FC is looking to review its season ticket pricing and options this year. As part of the review they have commissioned a study of leading European clubs in an effort to make sure their offerings are cutting edge.

A spokesperson for the club commented:

“In particular, we have been studying an option based on significantly enhancing the match day experience. In surveys, this option has received the highest possible customer satisfaction rating.  It is an option only available at FC Barcelona who have been trialling it on one customer to ensure they have “debugged” any possible issues. In their customer satisfaction survey which was recently released, a high score would normally have received 5 stars. This new “Experience Ticket” option has received 7 stars from the customer which, let me tell you, is unheard of.

We believe this option could be a radical change to what season tickets provide today. There are a number of unique aspects to it. Firstly it includes not only home games but also away games. This would be a first.

And because of the issues of travelling to away games it also includes transportation to and from matches, which is also a first.

But that’s not even the most radical piece of it. Not even close. Listen to these features. You get to shower with the Barcelona team after the game so that you can really savour the atmosphere and celebrate every victory with the team, horsing around in the jacuzzi, just like the players. You have full on access to these peak experiences.

But it gets better. You get to watch the match, with the team, from their dugout. And so that you feel part of it all, you get an authentic replica kit with personalized name and number on the back, just like the players.

But it gets better still! In any match where Barcelona are either so far ahead or so far behind that your performance can’t hurt the result, they may throw you on for a knockabout. You’ll feel just like one of the players!

There is one aspect of the Season Ticket that confuses us and we are investigating further.  We suspect it may be a typo. It seems to say that the club pays the ticket holder 75,000 a week. Now even if this is Pesetas, it doesn’t seem like a very sensible model, and yet we know the Catalans to be very shrewd business people.”

Interviewed for this article the customer added rather exuberantly:

“It’s a great option. They really make me feel like one of the players. Or should I say Playas!

More than just a club????!!!! It’s freakin’ Club Med, bitches!”

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Travelling to an Away match in luxurious transportation.