Oooh, Arsene’s Gone And Said It Now.

Oooh, Arsene’s gone and said it now.

Have you seen Arsene Wenger’s latest interview on Bein Sport, which, as you know, is owned by Al Jazeera, which as you know, is really a front for ISIS.

Ooooh, it makes my blood boil. Oooh, I’m pissing vinegar, I’m sooooo mad about it.  I’m sooo angry. I am incensed, outraged and indignant, so I am.

So he starts by saying Diaby is definitely getting a new contract, even if he can never walk again, never mind play. And that Diaby will receive the biggest contract at the club. Bigger than Ozil or Sanchez. I couldn’t fucking believe it when I heard this first hand, from a guy on twitter who was so angry about what he’s read in another guy’s 93 character tweet on Wenger’s interview.

Then, apparently, Wenger went on to say: “Regarding my comments on 4^th place being a trophy…there has been a lot of misrepresentation of what I said. I never said 4^th place was LIKE a trophy. I want to clear this up and make sure this is fairly reported in the media. I said 4^th place IS a trophy. And while we’re on the subject, qualifying from the group stages of the UCL is like a trophy. In fact, I want to clear that up straight away. Qualifying from the group stage IS a trophy. They should give me a trophy for that. They owe me 18 trophies at UEFA. And I want them. And if it looks like we are going to do better than 4^th place in the Premier League this year, I will slow the team down, because I don’t want to miss out on that 4^th place trophy, which I like so much.

Defensive Midfielders? I don’t believe in Defensive Midfielders. In any case, I will be looking to do a cheeky loan deal for Kim Kallstrom again this winter, as he is having further back trouble we hear, so we should be able to get him super-cheap this time, which is a big thing for me, you should all know. Oh, and the club has no money. And Ivan Gazidis won’t give me any money because Stan Kroenke is manipulating our debt ratio to fund moving the St Louis Rams to LA or something. So, we have no money. I didn’t want a DM in any case as it would kill Arteta’s career.

Injuries? We don’t have an issue with injuries. We have an opportunity with injuries. Injuries are my way of rotating because otherwise I wouldn’t rotate players because the greatest managers don’t rotate.

Substitutions? Yeah, you guessed it. That’s just me fucking with y’all, irritating the shit out of the crowd if they’ve been on my back or moaning at the team. That’s payback.

Steve Bould? Steve Bould’s job is to make the sandwiches. If I want his opinion on defending, I’ll ask him for it, but I’ll probably just call Pat Rice instead, to be honest.

Tactics? In the modern game, in the perfect match, tactics are a hindrance to the players’ self-expression. Football is an art form, not a sport. At its best, it is closer to ballet than sport. I find silverware demeaning, if I’m honest. Grubby trophies that others have pawed all over? Ewww! I would much prefer to receive 3 curtain calls, a standing ovation and children running up to me with bouquets, than the FA Cup. Ballet! That’s what we’re aiming for at the Arsenal. Herbert Chapman was a fool.

Also, women should stay in the kitchen. Malkey Mackay made some great points in his texts. Hitler was a good man and I’d loved to have generalled one of his Panzer divisions into Russia.”

Oooh, what that tweet says he said makes me soooooooo mad.