Prediction: Wenger Will Get His Pep For His Replacement


There has been much twittery about the succession of Arsene over the last 12 months since Steve Bould was brought in as assistant manager while the ever tantalizing Pep Guardiola butterfly has yet to alight on the English Rose of his choosing. While ruminating on such matters, a vision formed within the chasm of my mind…

I’m sick of @goonerdave66 whipping out blogs from the past where he predicted everything from why Arsenal should sign Poldi and Giroud to who the fifth scorer would be in a future 6-1 defeat of Southampton. It sickens me. That bastard.

I assume he is doing it by writing every possible kind of random blog with every possible permutation. Et voila, he whips out one he wrote earlier. It pisses me off.

Anyway, my nose was well and truly out of joint recently, and so I fell upon a cunning plan. Rumours that Dave kept a Crystal Ball next to his bed haunted my waking dreams.

And so I shimmied up his drain pipe (Oi Oi!) in the dead of night, stole into his bedroom, rummaged around his dusty old sack dangling over the side of the bed, and low and behold! There it twinkled, The Precious.

And so I shined his orb, squinted with my good eye, and here is what I saw:

wavy, wavy cloudy vision slowly becomes crystal clear…

It’s 20xx, and for years the top clubs have been in a death match to capture the services of one Pep Guardiola. Chased by United, City, Chelsea, the Spaniard is much in demand. But Arsenal and Wenger in particular have had their eye on the Spaniard. They have wooed and seduced, and beyond everyone’s expectations Arsenal have once again got their man!

Yes, we got him! This #4, this genius of a deep lying midfielder, this midfield general who surveys all before him, this puller of strings, this leader of men.

As was clear from many interviews, Arsene is a groupie of Spanish midfield tiki-taka. However, many thought that the promotion of Steve Bould to the first team coaching ranks pre-saged an imminent further promotion to the top spot.

But Wenger hadn’t reshaped and remoulded Arsenal into one of the most progressive playing teams in world football to then hand his vision over to someone who did not share his passion for great attacking and passing football, who didn’t see that everything in modern football, attack or defense, flows from the number 4 position. And no country better exemplified this philosophy than Spain. Wenger just HAD to go Spanish.

For Wenger, defensive failure, beyond set-pieces, was a failure of the midfield. Defense was a team exercise. This is not a cliche for him, this was his footballing vision. Therefore he needed someone who was wired the same way. Someone who, at their darkest moment, saw salvation emanating from mobilizing the midfield. A Barca man.

And so he moved for the man who could bring pep to Arsenal’s midfield, the man who had mastered the light arts of Tiki-Taka. Retiring as a player, the Spaniard entered coaching by taking over his club’s 2nd team at the age of 36, but then was quickly moved to coach the club’s 1st team. He was reaching the zenith of his coaching powers in his 41st year. It was a natural progression for one who loved the club that had brought him to the maelstrom of European football that he so craved.

How had Arsenal achieved this coup, when the world and his wife was chasing Pep Guardiola? Well, actually, it was pretty straight-forward. Why wouldn’t Mikel want to take over from Arsene.

Say what, now? *Screeching of brakes.* Exqueeze me? Mikel? As in, “Mikel Arteta?” But you said, Pep, didn’t you…?

Ohhhhhhhh. 

Why bring in their Pep (who ain’t coming anyway) when we can have our Mikel, “home-grown” keeper of the Tiki-Taka flame? Mikel Arteta, our very own Barcelonian.

We don’t buy Superstars, we make them.

Mikel and Arsene: they were birds of a feather, kindred souls: classy, intelligent and obsessed with playing flowing football. They shared a vision of what the Arsenal Way was and should be. As Arsene moved gracefully into his 70’s he could now enjoy the sleep of an old man who knows the farmstead is in safe hands. Mikel was a product of Spain’s Midfield Golden Generation, a man who owed little loyalty to Barca, Real or the Spanish National Team. It was the best of all worlds for Arsenal.

The latter third of Mikel’s career was spent at Arsenal, weaving and dancing with Santi and Wilshere, to produce the best Spanish tiki-taka played by any midfield anywhere. This became burned into the psyche of club and player. This was The Arsenal Way of playing.

Mikel could transition into management at Arsenal on a parallel path and on exactly the same timeline as Pep did at Barca.

Here is what Santi had to say to Arteta recently:

“Here at Arsenal, you’re a real leader. Upon my arrival, I was a little surprised at the level of respect that everyone has for you in the dressing room. But when I saw you play with the group and on the field, it is obvious that almost all consider you Captain. You are a leader. I’m no good at that, nobody would listen to me! But when you talk, they listen. You are already a leader of the team, and if we follow your lead, we are trained to fight for everything.”

Now, I hope Captain Vermaelen never lays eyes on that interview. Maybe the simplest explanation for the quote is that Santi’s English is non-existent and in fact Mikel is the only player he can understand.

And then there are the things Arsene has said about Mikel:

“He is always 100% focused and committed and that is what you want from a real professional. He brings the best out of other players.

“I believe he is a winner and a fighter as well. I think he possesses both aspects of the game of a real midfielder – that means he can defend and he can attack. That is what we looked for.”

And later, after the 1-0 City game at the Emirates last year…

“He is a player you don’t like to lose because he is an organiser, a winner and has great qualities.”

“He first won the ball back through complete focus on what the opponent will do and where he could lose the ball. He then finished the action and scored the goal.

“That is what I call a real midfielder, a guy who is always in the game.”

So, the more I chew on it, the more compellingly obvious the future seems. Get thee to the bookie’s office before it becomes obvious to everyone else, too.

There are many names who the faithful would love to see as a future manager. But, when you are worried about the pipes, you call a plumber. Mikel fits the bill perfectly, hand-crafted by the football gods themselves.

Move over @goonerdave66. Nostradamus, me arse! If you want your crystal ball back, come on over and shine my orb for me.

Mikel Arteta, Arsenal Manager. Anyone got a problem with the sound of those words? Nope. Me neither.