Hurricane Alex Is Coming To Town

This next blog is dedicated to @goonerdave66 for reasons that should be obvious:

Hurricane Chambo

Hurricane Alex

Alex as a Category 1 hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico. (The Southampton Academy of storm regions.)

Hurricane Alex was a rare June hurricane and the first tropical cyclone to develop in the 2010 Atlantic hurricane season. Originating from an area of disturbed weather on June 25, 2010, it slowly developed in the western Caribbean Sea and struck Belize, then the Gulf of Mexico, becoming very large and encountered conditions favorable for gradual development. Early on June 30, the cyclone attained hurricane status as it approached northeastern Mexico, the first June hurricane in the Atlantic basin since Hurricane Allison in 1995, and the storm rapidly intensified just off the coast of Tamaulipas. Alex came ashore near Soto la Marina as a Category 2 hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale.

Alex caused the deaths of at least 51 people along its path, and produced over $1.8 billion (2010 USD) in damage. An additional twenty persons were reported missing.

Alex triggered widespread power outages throughout northeastern Mexico and southern Texas. Governor Rodrigo Medina de la Cruz described as, “the worst weather phenomenon in its history.”

A state of emergency was declared for most of Nuevo León, portions of Tamaulipas, and Texas.

Hurricane Alex

Yep, that looks about right. 22 people went missing during the first coming of Hurricane Alex, tragically. And 11 people went missing twice, on Sunday, during it’s Second coming. Two have yet to be found – Chamakh and Ward.

Hurricane Alex – The Second Coming

After the death and destruction wrought by Hurricane Alex’s last outing many prayed never to see its like again. Many being, more specifically… Tony Pulis and the Crystal Palace players and supporters. After a frustrating first half I tweeted:

A Walcott, a Walcott, my kingdom for a Walcott…Anyone ever heard of running in behind?

Well, someone did get in behind them. By running at them, straight down the middle.

Ox Chip

Ox Celeb

I must say, when Arsene first talked about Ox becoming a central midfielder in the future, I had to think about that one for a bit.

To me, the most devastating part of his game had always been his charge towards the box from the wing. You can see it when he gets the ball at his feet, his instinct is to use it as a weapon, to punish the opposition. But more than that you see that he knows its potency as a weapon increases, like a hurricane sweeping in over the warming waters of the Gulf of Mexico, gathering speed, fueled by the rise in temperature, strengthening…Category 1, Cat 2, Cat 3, Cat 4 as it approaches landfall, as Chambo approaches the box. THAT is his area of devastation. You see it time and time again. 1 defender or 2, he knows he has you where he wants you. And he will attack you, go straight for you.

Tracking the possible paths of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s imminent landfall on the Crystal Palace box, sorry, I mean the coastline of the Gulf of Mexico


Your home, your box, is not your home. It is his home. You will find The Ox in your kitchen, making himself a milkshake as he Rogers your wife on your kitchen table while telling your kids hilarious tales that he makes up as they sit, staring in rapt awe.

Oh, and you might want to stop into Tescos as you make your way home to clean up after him. He just downed your last beer in one, to the applause of your kids. And your wife. Especially your wife.


In the box, he will punish you if you don’t tackle him. But watch out if you do dive in. Because he knows what you fear most: that in the penalty area, he has the upper hand. And like a Rooney or a Suarez, he’s looking for that penalty. And he’s not shy about it. Not. At. All.

Ox dive

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Arsenal v West Bromwich Albion - Emirates Stadium

Be in no doubt, Chamberlain will take your penalty area, and beat you with it like he’s grabbed your baseball bat.

Ox splits defenders

This next Stats comparison of  Ox vs Ramsey is borrowed from the excellent @7amkickoff/@arseblog’s “By The Numbers:”

Ox (CPFC) v. Ramsey’s average

“Ox does everything Ramsey does, right down to the back-heel-passing-running-on-to-a-pass-from-Giroud-and-scoring-after-shucking-his-defender thing.”

Ox vs Ramsey

(Thank you, Tim and Andrew for that.)

As you can see, based on Ox’s performance yesterday, I need not have worried that playing from midfield would mean he forgot where the penalty area is. Nor should I be overly concerned that we have not yet acquired the threatening talent of Julian One Goal This Season Draxler.

Let me invite your mockery and ridicule. Alex Oxlade Hurricane Chamberlain is “Like A New Signing.”

Shutter up your windows. Batten down your doors. Get everyone and everything you love down into the basement…Hurricane Alex is coming to town.